Princess Kitana's Rap
by Cloudywinters88
Summary: Sometimes, a princess needs a break from her royal duties. But sometimes it gives others a reaction of their lives. This another crack fic. There is an attempted try to be funny. M-rated for course language, slight nudity and sareena bashing...literally. I dont own the charaters nor the Natalie Portman song.


"Sometimes a princess doesn't have to be nice, kind, generous and completely honest or please her people, begging and crying all day for her attention, or her mother get in her business about her love life, and today is the one of those days.

Today we have a special guest, she is from a amazingly beautiful world full of happiness and joy. Too sugary for your taste? Well, then, I'll come out the harsh truth about her. Im not responible of this tragic train wreck, no blaming me for this run-on shitty interview. Trust me on this, she is no goody two shoes gal. Now off to the interview, be prepared of what course words coming of her sweet-innocent mouth, and what sickening and sexual has been explicted in her pure head. So good luck, and im outta here." with a hurry, replied the narrator, leaving the dumbfounded man in a straw cone hat on his head, blinking at the empty spot of once narrator.

The man with the straw cone hat was the legendary god of thunder named Raiden, teh guardian or protector of Earthrealm, teh humans' safe haven, was supposed to speak to a person about this "interview", but she left in a hurried flight back to Earthrealm, leaving him a sheet of questions and a red marked circle of this pecuiliar name. The thunder god looks down at the sheet of questions and gives out a long sigh, thinking why he has to do himself. He left teh darken room, without giving the blinking camera a sigh. The room was now empty, no one didnt turn off the already camera, not even the already leaving godly deity.

A woman in blue,stenched of royality, small tiara pointed out above her head, sharply sat on her throne, boredly looked at her ally, waiting for him to speak about this "interview". She raised an eyebrow of his silent state, straighted her back to a line and grabbed the sheet away from his wrinkled hands, hearing a sudden gasp from the thunder god. She skimmed through the questions like a mother hawk, stopping at the life and goals question, but contining down to the end. She clears her throat, coughing up a storm, gives a quick nod to the patient thunder god for the first question.

Raiden:(clears his throat, shifting his seat around) Good morning, Princess Kitana, how's the duties of being a princess of Edenia. Hows your mother doing, still giving-

Kitana:(laughs warmly, cutting him off of his sentence)Oh, raiden, you're such a joker. My mother is still a nosy bat but yes, she is doing great. It's not so bad really. Lot of my people are pleading for my attention, but Im too busy doing royal duties.(shifts her eyes to left and right and gives him a fake smile)

Raiden:(rubs his chin suspiciously)...I see.

Kitana:(claps her hands loudly) shall we start this interview, Lord Raiden?

Raiden:(nods yes, snaps his fingers and a bolt of lighting strikes in the center of the room, a camera blinking green, meaning its on, ready to roll) Don't worry, this is for the fans who wanted to see their favorite princess in camera.(looks down at the wrinkled script and hides behind his back, looking so sheepishly at the slightly glaring princess)

Kitana: Since did you knew about this...strange device? What is this contraction, anyways?(feels uneasy being taped by the camera)

Raiden: No worries, Princess Kitana,it's one of the technology from the Special Forces. It's a camera, a device you can take pictures of yourself or with someone else and record videos of your life. Anyways enough of this, so...(clears his throat, adjusting his chair infront of the Edenian princess, making sure teh camera can capture the both of them) There, now this can take our interview.

Kitana:(couldn't take her eyes off the blinking camera, shuddering of the fans' hundreds of eyes down upon like a prized bug in a muesum) Righttt...let's begin this interview.

Raiden:(infront of the camera, smiling at the lens, shown his hands to the princess) We're sitting here today with Princess Kitana of Edenia.

Kitana:(gives a small wave to the camera and turns her attention to the thunder god) Hello.

Raiden: so Kitana, what's the day in life of Princess Kitana like?(smiles)

Kitana:(brings out her razopr sharp fan and fans her pretty flawless face, smiling seductive) Do you really wanna know?

Raiden:(eager, leaning back of his seat)Yes, Please, tell us.

Kitana:(suddenly bursts out of her seat, and stands clear infront of raiden with a pissed off look, hands in air, ready to strangle someone) ~ I don't sleep motherfucker off that yak and Durban. Doin' one twenty, gettin' head while I'm swervin'~

Scorpion:(teleports in the room, giving her a serious look) Damn, Kitana, you're a crazy chick.

Kitana:(flips off with hands at him hatefully and points her hands at her skin tight loincloth) Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick!(turns at the camera, grabbing at the lens while jamming her face at the glass) I bust in dudes mouth like gushers motherfucker. Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker. (runs through the portal to the Lin Kuei Palace, gets out of the other side and dashes down the hallways, screaming her head off, startling the lin kuei members and servants) Get the fuck out out of my way, assholes!(bursts through the doors of the grandmaster's office, scaring the younger Sub-zero, his best friend, Smoke, and the decreased Elder Sub-Zero, Noob Saibot)

Sub-Zero:(drops the papers all around his desk, startled, but relaxed, waves at his friend) Princess, hello there. What do you need of me, Princess?

Smoke:(falls out of his chair and lands on his face,groaning) Ow! What does Sub-Zero wants from you?(gives her a cautious glance)

Noob:(slightly flinches and glares at her) Princess, what do you need now?

Kitana:(yells at the three former Lin Kuei gits and drinks down a whole bottle of vodka) To drink and fight! (punches the face of Sareena, whom was walking in to sweet-talk the younger Sub-Zero)

Sareena: Gah!(falls on the floor)

Noob: Ha ha. thats funny.(laughs cruelly at her)

Sub-Zero: Sareena, are you alright?(tries to stand up but his brother shoves him back onto his comforting chair) Bi-Han!

Noob: Shut up. Stay right there and act pretty, you little scone.(scoots his chair closer to him so he wont help his ex-girlfriend)

Subz, Smoke, and Noob: What are you really need, Princess?(curiously-boredly looks at her)

Kitana:(rips her skin tight two piece off her slender body and shows her naked body to the males) To fuck all night! (glares angrily at Sareena and lifts her foot above her face) Don't test when I'm crazy on that airplane glue. Put my foot down your throat till you shit in my shoe! Leave you screaming, pay for my dry cleaning, Fuck your man, it's my name that he's screamin'! bashes her foot to the demoness' face in, breaking her nose and damaging her pretty face, making her a true ugly beast that she is)

Sareena: (screams in agony, covering her deformed broken-in face with her hands, crawls out of the room like a struggling legless dog)

Kitana:(teleports back to the same room, didn't have to dress back to her clothes, revealing her naked glory to the men in the room)

Scorpion:(quickly looks away in disgust)

Raiden:(covers his innocent eyes) I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you. Condone driving while intoxicated?

Kitana:(shrugs at the question boredly) I never said I was a role model.(crosses her legs like a lady and sneaks a sexy wink at the hellspawn)

Scorpion:(gags in his mouth and turns away)

Raiden:(smacks her knee with his staff) Stop that. Put some clothes on, there mortal children watching this interview.

kitana: I dont give a fuck whos watching me.

Raiden:(gives her a uneasy glance)What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

Kitana:(quickly stands up for the camera, tits bouces of the sudden movement, clenches the camera in her hands)All the kids lookin' up to me can suck my dick! It's Princess motherfucker, drink till I'm sick. Slit your throat and poor nitrous down the hole. Watch you laugh and cry while I laugh you die.(laughs cruelly at the random dead body of her dad's and kicks his head) And all of the dudes, you know I'm talkin' to you!

Noob and Scorpion: We hate you, Kitana!(bitter tension between the brutes)

Kitana:(points at their dicks and gropes them on sight before rushes over to her shield)

Noob: I'm going to wring your neck, you harpy bitch!(thrashes at his little brother's body blocking his way)

Scorpion:(stumped) I need a drink.

Kitana: P is for Princess, P is for P.(air thrusts her open vagina at the guys) I'll kill your fuckin' dog for fun, so don't push me.

Raiden:(shakes his head in disappointment, but continues to ask the next question) Well, Kitana, I'm surprised all this from a Harvard graduate.

Kitana: Well, there's a lot you may not know about me.(gives him a hidden smile and winks secretively at him)

Raiden:(internally gulps, but puts on a brave face) Really? Such as?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~

(a younger girl with eighty clothes, hula hoops earrings hanging from her peiced ears, sitting next to a booksmart moch-skinned girl with glasses on her blackish-dark brown hair, copying down her answers without giving a glancing to the professor whom listening to RB in their old ass PC.)

Kitana: When I was in Harvard I smoked weed every day, I cheated every test and snorted all the yay.(brings her gurl crew to the spotlight, Jade, Mileena, and Sonya, in a Charles' Angels stance, while inhales a joint from Noob's hidden weed stash) I gotta a def posse and you gotta bunch of dudes. I sit right down on your face and take a shit.

Reptile:(appears infront of the naked princess with a startled look, clenching Sub-Zero in his scaled arms) Kitana, you are a bad asssss bitch.

Kitana:(lets out a hyped up yell) Hell yeah!

Reptile: And I alwayssss pay for your dry cleanin'.(uses the younger ninja as a flesh bag shield at the savage woman)When my sssshit getssss in your sssshoe, but,

Kitana:(stops admiring her flawless beauty from the reflecting mirror and turns her attention at the wimpy cypomancer) What?!

Reptile: And asss for the drug ussse, well I can vouch for that, My dick is sssscared of you, girl.

Raiden:(looks at the last question) Okie-dokie, one final question,(gives her a slight hopeful smile) If you can steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it?

Kitana:(hits the thunder god with her chair and looks at the dented camera) no more questions. What?!

Scorpion: Where is the hell is the exit of this place?(leaves the room in a huff)

Noob: I need a drink, man. Where is the nearby bar at?(follows the hellspawn behind)

Subzero: Reptile, you can let go of me.(nudges the frozen lizard git) Reptile? Reptile, hello?

Reptile: r-r-right, letssss go home, sssssubzero.(carries him out of the room, bridal style)

Subzero: Not like this! Put me down!(squirms in humiliation)

Fin.


End file.
